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Body Confidence After Pregnancy… four years on.

Updated: Nov 21, 2023

Being a Mammy is the best feeling and the best job in the world, without a shadow of a doubt, I wouldn’t change it for the world, but since pregnancy and my c-section, I have lost ALL my confidence and it hasn’t returned after over four years!

I’ve never been a skinny girl, I’ve always been curvy, with a flat stomach and a slim face and although I’ve always had body confidence issues, I’d love to look how I did before, or even just feel how I did.

I used to wear bodycon dresses and skirts, figure skimming tops, high waisted jeans and my Louboutin heels, I absolutely loved getting dolled up, I would ooze confidence if we went out to a wedding or anything like that (never clubbing, I hate it).

I still have all my clothes in my wardrobe, some fit but I’m paranoid that they show off my horrible c-section stomach, and some just don’t fit at all, it really gets me down, I could often sit and sob when I think about it (if I’m honest, I do, often).

Now, all I wear is jeans and a shirt two/three sizes too big, I’m scared to wear anything that isn’t baggy, I’m convinced I still look pregnant.

I know I’m not supposed to admit it, but I loved taking selfies of myself, I felt good about the way I looked and now I can’t bare to look at myself in the mirror, I’m ashamed of my appearance. When I look at myself, I don’t recognise myself, all I can see is an ugly, fat flump and no matter how many times people compliment me or tell me I’m wrong, I just cannot believe them, I tell myself they have to say it.

I’ve joined exercise classes, and I try so hard to calorie count, but I won’t lie to you and say it’s not working, I don’t give it the chance to work! It’s like a vicious circle, I get depressed about the way I look, so to cheer myself up I eat, or if I do well, I’ll ‘treat myself’, it’s ridiculous, it’s like an addiction. I don’t even over eat, I just don’t choose well, so I don’t gain weight, but I’m not losing it either.

I’m desperately trying to find the willpower I once had, in 2015, I lost over two stones by calorie counting and it was the best I’d ever felt about myself, I want that feeling of pride back.

I lost the weight quite quickly, I was only eating 1000 calories a day but it stayed off until my pregnancy. I cannot advocate eating only 1000kcal a day, I know that isn’t a healthy, realistic way to do it. I’m now trying to eat 1200kcal a day, and exercise to help me tone back up as much as possible. I’ve bought a Peloton, in the hopes it motivates me.

I know a lot of women’s bodies change after a baby, and some “bounce back”, but I also see a lot of women work hard to get into shape again, with how they feel comfortable, so I do believe it is possible, so why won’t I cut the crap and change?

It’s such a shame, because I feel that I am in the best place I’ve ever been in, I have a beautiful daughter, a lovely husband, friends and family, my own business and a roof over my head, I’m blessed, but my mind is blackening all the positives because of how I feel about myself.

I tell myself that I’m not good enough for my husband anymore, and that he must be disgusted and repulsed by me, but he has never done anything to make me feel that way and always tells me I’m beautiful.

I don’t like going anywhere now, I don’t want people to see me, or judge me. I don’t feel good about myself to enjoy cocktails out or to go to invited occasions, I think people will look at me.

I don’t even like walking down the street.

I truly NEED to find my inner strength and the willpower to change, not just my lifestyle, but to change the way I see myself in my mind. I know what my body has done is amazing, it created life, the most beautiful little girl I’ve ever seen.

This post isn’t about how to find the confidence, I can’t tell you that yet, I don’t know how myself.

This post is to let other women know, you’re not alone. I know others will feel this way, or have previously felt this way. I want to tell you that if you ever want to get these feelings off your chest, I am one hundred percent here to listen to you, any time.

I’m going to give 1200kcal a day a good go, and my peloton, because I honestly love spinning and want to get back into that.

I am going to change, I need to change, I just hope this time next year, I can say to you all, I DID IT!

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